Letting Go of Old Identity in Midlife

Recently, I've been talking to you a lot about the in-between — that space between what was and what’s next.

But what happens when we stay there for too long?

I had a powerful conversation recently, with a senior executive, whose story has stayed with me.

She was once an incredibly high-achieving leader in the finance industry.

Driven, brilliant, deeply respected.

And then a decade ago her life changed.

She developed a chronic illness.

Slowly, steadily, it stripped away her energy, her certainty, and eventually her identity, and she has been in that space since.

Not quite who she was.

Not yet someone new.

And as we spoke, she said something that struck me to the core:

“I think I’ve been using this illness to hide from my life.”

It wasn’t self-pity.

It wasn’t judgement.

It wasn't sadness or shame.

It was radical honesty.

And her sharing this with me took me straight back to my own in-between season 20 years ago, when I was navigating illness, burnout, reinvention — and how easy it was to get caught in the identity of someone who was simply… stuck.

Not because I wasn’t capable.

But because I was scared to fully let go of who I used to be.

Letting go is painful.

Even when what we’re holding onto no longer serves us.

Because the past, even if painful, is known.

It's familiar.

It gives us context.

And stepping forward into something unformed and unknown takes real courage.

I see this so often in women in midlife, especially those who’ve been through major health challenges, life changes, or career upheaval.

They're not failing to move forward.

They're resisting letting go of their old identity in midlife.

And just afraid that what comes next won’t hold them, or be enough.

So, it's understandable why sometimes, it’s easier to stay in the safe, quiet sadness of the neutral zone than to risk trying to live again.

But here’s what I know — from my own story and from the women I walk alongside now:

❤️‍🔥 You are not meant to stay in the in-between.

❤️‍🔥 You are meant to pass through it.

❤️‍🔥 And even if you’ve been resting there a long time, it’s never too late to move forward.

Owning Being You™ isn’t about forcing your way into something new.

It's about recognising when you’ve made a home out of something that was only ever meant to be a pause. And it’s about choosing, in whatever small, tender way you can — to begin again.

So, if you’ve been sitting in the in-between longer than you intended…

If you’ve used your pain as a way to avoid the risk of re-entering life…

You’re not alone.

And you haven’t failed.

But maybe it’s time to ask:

"What would I need to let go of in order to begin again?"

"Who might I become if I stopped waiting for full certainty, and chose to live as I am, today?"

This is the work.

This is the invitation.

This is Owning Being You™.

Patricia Ezechie.